When I landed in Honduras on October 3rd I hit the ground running. My passion, my purpose was to help the poor. I enjoyed every second. Every long day climbing in the mountains, visiting people in need, sometimes going 8 hours without water. I was driven and thriving. I was living my dream!
So what happened?
By month number 6 something started to change. Poor people were constantly knocking on my door, asking for help. In months number 1-5 I was running out to greet them. By month number 6 I was hiding on the floor of my house, pretending I wasn't home. In months number 1-5 I was climbing into the hardest reached places to meet the poor. In month number 6 I was trying to avoid them in church.
Ok, so before you judge me let me just say this is candid remember? Missionary life uncensored? Well here it is!
I came back to the States for 2 weeks hoping to get recharged but I boarded my return flight with the same disturbing feeling. Why was I running away from poor people?! Considering I was a missionary in the poorest country in the Western hemisphere, this was a BIG problem!
Some good friends of mine sent me off with a few books. One of them was 'There is Always Enough' by Rolland and Heidi Baker. Between my 3 flights and 2 hour bus ride back I managed to finish the book. By the time I unlocked my door in Honduras I was inspired. Heidi Baker lived to love people. She gave up everything and lived in slums alongside the outcasts of society. She truly was/is an example of God's love.
I was going to be another Heidi Baker. I was sure of it.
Well, as I was in the salon getting a pedicure...( Yes, really. I am in flip flops 24/7. I hike mountains, step on biting ant mounds, run into spiky ground brush and have 50 kids step on my toes every day.) And as I was in the salon I realized I was no Heidi Baker. Heidi Baker would not be getting a pedicure...
Well you know what? I kind of started to think I was wrong for this job. I mean what kind of missionary runs from poor people and gets pedicures?
It was just this week that God started to show me. Support started flooding in from everywhere. Every day someone was donating, helping me. It was as if God was saying "YES!" I am suppose to be here. He chose me to be here. He loves me no matter how imperfect I am. I don't know if that revelation ever gets old. But THANK YOU!! To everyone who donated this month. It has litterally felt like a shower of love and has encouraged me to go on!
And for the record... I will be making my way back into the mountains next week :)
