He Loves Me

A few weeks ago I was scrolling through Facebook and noticed my brother had posted something about lent.  I stopped to look because, well, we're not Catholic. I was curious to see what had caught his attention.  40 things to give up for lent.  What a great list!

I was reading this list out loud to a friend and she jokingly suggested we give up negative thinking. It was a really good idea and something we both needed to do. So we pledged to give up negative thinking until Easter.  Its been 2 weeks and my friend has been very successful. I, on the other hand, am not doing so well. This sounded so easy!  What was my problem?  

You know those nights when you can't shut off your brain and you lay there for hours worrying?  Or the mornings you'd just like to pull the covers over your head and hide forever?  These were just some of the things I realized negative thinking was doing to me.  I was letting these thoughts, these worries, these lies, affect my life.

My devotional today was about Romans 8:37 "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."  

God loves me.  I don't deserve it, but he will always love me.  And no matter what craziness happens, no matter how defeated I feel or afraid I am, I have to remember God will get me through.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  - Jeremiah 29:11

Oswald Chambers gives an example of surf in an ocean.  Hard surf that wears out the normal swimmer brings excitement and joy to a surfer.  The surfer has fun riding the waves!   

The hard surf is our difficult circumstances.  When we worry and stress over these things we let the surf pound us.  But when we remember that God is in control, we cut through the hard surf and enjoy riding the waves.

Today I choose to ride the waves.  I will stop worrying and fearing things that are out of my control.  I surrender, again, to God's plan for my life.  I know that through everything I have victory because He loves me.

This is my city.  I always try to look up at the mountains.  They remind me of God's promise.

Lonely?

I was once told missionary life was a lonely life.  As a new missionary I didn't quite get it.  But now I do.

Lonely:  sad because one has no friends 

Synonyms:  Isolated, all alone, outcast, forsaken, abandoned

Sounds crazy right?  But today as I prayed and again gave God my burdens, I realized it was true.  I was in fact lonely.  My heart was breaking and I couldn't understand why certain things were happening.  Why was support disappearing without a word?  Why were so many people offering help only to forget soon after? Where did some of my best friends go?

And today, with my head in my hands, I felt that loneliness more than ever before.  I told God to take this burden from me once and for all.  I was so tired of feeling abandoned and forgotten.  He would supply.

So as I pushed through the day God spoke to my heart.  I was here to pour out my life and give to the forgotten kids of Honduras.  No matter how I felt or how rough things got, I could never stop.  

When I got to the boys home this afternoon I found out one of my former students was murdered Friday.  3 shots to the head.  He was only 14.  

Later in the evening I stood in front of my class of 15 street kids and it fully hit me.  They were why I was here. It didn't matter who was with me, who forgot me or how poor I was.  The urgency to reach these kids had never been greater.  It meant life or death.  And I would never give up.

I wanted to share a little about some of the kids I work with.  In this tiny, impoverished country they get overlooked by society.  But God sees them.

13 year old Albert was hit by a car when he was 6.  His injuries were so severe he could not continue school.  At 13 he cannot read or write but with one on one tutoring we are helping him learn.  Please pray for his memory retention.  Should Albert learn to read and write he would be able to enter school or an apprenticeship program.

Lester is autistic.  He roams the streets of Honduras at night and once got lost and ended up in Guatemala.  He has never been to school but loves to write numbers and words.  With the right care he may be able to function in society.

Ray (the guy in the cap)  has raised his 5 siblings in poverty.  His parents took off when they were very young and he has been the man of the house ever since.  ( His 3 younger siblings are in the program as well.)  Currently he has not been able to come to class because of a "problem at home".  Whenever he leaves for class people rob his house.  Even with his wife and kids at home!  Please pray for their safety and that he will be able to return to class.  A high school education means better job opportunities and a future for his family.

16 year old Yenifer's parents left her at birth.  For 16 years she's lived with abusive cousins who have told her she was worthless and theirs to use.   She is very smart and very driven to succeed. She has fought through all the hatred and abuse and has found the love of Jesus. Though quiet and shy she is one of my best students.

22 year old Nancy has a 9 yr old daughter and a 4 year old son.  The father took off and left them to fend for themselves.  She is determined (and excited!) to get her high school degree and go on to become a nurse and support her family.  

I see things so much clearer now.  And I can't even remember why feeling lonely was such a big deal ...   

3rd World Kids: fact and fiction

I don't know how it happened.  I know we meant well... But how did Americans develop such a wrong idea about 3rd world kids??  Maybe it was all the programs we saw on t.v.? Starving children sitting in the dirt, stomachs painfully protruding, flies crawling around their eyes and mouths.  We were offered a way to save them.  With just a few cents we could feed them, clothe them and send them to school.  All their problems solved.

Is this how it happened?  I ask the question only because I was one of these Americans.  I moved to Honduras believing that as long as the kids were given food, clothes and an education they were better off than they were.

"They are better off than they were."  This is a phrase that now makes me cringe.

Think about a child in your life.  Maybe a niece, nephew, son or daughter?  Now think about only offering them 3 meals a day, clothes, school and nothing else.  No love, no attention, no supervision or discipline or support or encouragement or praise.  Would you ever allow your child to grow up like this?  No of course not!  But this is what many consider acceptable for 3rd world children.  Because "they are better off than they were."

During my time here in Honduras I've worked with over 130 "3rd World Kids."  They are complex, curious children, hungry for love and attention.  They need direction and support.  They can make you laugh and they can make you cry.  These children will look out for you first and themselves second.  If all they have is 1 tortilla they will offer you half.  Some are very rough around the edges but on the inside all they want is love and attention.

I've seen things done the right way and I've seen things done the wrong way here.  And let me tell you the difference is shocking.

I can't help but get angry when I think about all these "rescued" 3rd world kids raising themselves.  But I've learned a lot from the people who are doing it right.  And it's becoming very clear that this is what I'm being called to do.  I'm being called to do it right.

Please pray for the amazing children of Honduras.  They are waiting for their chance to shine.

"Every child you encounter is a divine appointment."  - Wess Stafford

It's not so easy...

My friends keep telling me I need to blog more.  I want to.  I really do!  But it’s not so easy.

It’s not so easy to sit down and share my day, my week or my month.  It’s difficult because a lot of that time was a battle.  If I sat down most days and wrote, you would hear about how life as a missionary is hard.  You would hear how my days are so long that by the time I get home all I want to do is nothing.  How there are a million things I need to do but either can’t find the energy or don’t have the emotional strength to do them. 

If I sat down and wrote on any given day you would hear how sometimes I don’t want to get up at 5:30am and get home at 9pm.  You would hear how miserable working in this suffocating heat can be or how sweet little street boys think calling me fat is a compliment.   No doubt I would tell you how stressed I can get over my finances.  How people that have supported me have just disappeared and I can’t explain why.  You would hear how my only roommate is moving and soon I'll be alone.  I would tell you how much I miss my family.

Part of me wants to believe that it will get easier.  That eventually my Faith will exceed these circumstances.  I want to believe that this is all I’ll have to conquer.  But I know that’s not true.  If we’re moving forward in Faith listening for God in everything we do, it will never get easier. It will only get better.

Last week God took my ‘not so easy’ and turned it into ‘I must be crazy’.  Honduras is no longer a temporary 2 year mission field for me.  I know God is calling me here permanently.  I’m scared.  I’m excited.  I’m sad.  People are supportive.  People are against it.  But in the end either I say yes, focus my eyes on Jesus and believe this will be a time of the miraculous or I go back home where things will be easier.

I’m saying yes.  Yes to everything God has for me no matter how difficult or impossible it seems.

Last month one of my students handed me this letter wrapped in a pretty bow.  Today I put it on my wall.  I get to pour love into 80 little lives a day.  I can never forget that.

 

 

 

An answered prayer

“Please Lord, move quickly.”  This was my prayer as I landed back in Honduras January 30^th.  A big sense of urgency had been weighing heavily on my heart.  I wasn’t sure what God had in store but I knew I needed to move quickly.

Even though I know God answers prayer it still amazes me every time He does it.  The second I was out of customs God started making BIG changes.  That night in my room, as I realized just how big these changes were going to be, I cried for hours.  It wasn’t easy but it was quick.  That night I asked God to confirm my decision by the next day.

The next morning I woke up with complete peace. The decision was extremely painful but I knew God had confirmed it.  I would no longer be working with the 50 little orphans I had spent the last year loving and teaching. God was moving me forward. Now the big question was “What next Lord?” I spent the next day searching for other volunteer opportunities.  There were tons!  But every time I went to move God said “wait”.  So I waited.  It didn’t make sense but I listened. 

Why does God do things in ways we’d never expect?  I’m not sure but it is really cool.  A few days later I was half listening to a friend’s conversation when God literally stopped me and said “This is where I want you.”  Huh?  I didn’t even hear what she said!  I interrupted her mid-sentence and asked her to repeat herself.   She had been talking about a Christian rec center I never knew existed!

I am so excited about where God has placed me.  Things have happened so fast! The groups I'm working for have been telling people I appeared one day out of no-where.  Like magic!  Lol  God is so good!

So I wanted to show you where God has led me.  I am so excited and have a huge sense of anticipation for the things to come!

Horizontes al Futuro

Horizontes al Futuro is a rehabilitation home for boys living on the streets of Honduras.  These boys are rescued and given shelter, education, food, medical care and affection.  Because most of them have come from very rough histories of substance abuse, theft, begging and fighting they are taught to respect themselves and others.  Horizontes helps the children develop good self-esteem with the hope that they will soon return to their families and change the cycle of oppression.

Horizontes was started 18yrs ago by a man lovingly nicknamed Don Goyo.  He is a legend in Comayagua, Honduras because of his compassion for the forgotten children on the streets.  Before Honduras Don Goyo worked in the Congo building schools and aid centers for the poor. Every day I learn something new and am blessed to be a part of what he is doing.

The boys at Horizontes have captured my heart.  They are very rough around the edges and sometimes gross me out.   I must say “stop swearing!” at least 10 times a day and I stand in the middle of a couple ‘would be’ fights.  But I don’t see the outside.  All I can see is the sweet child of God on the inside.  They’ve experienced very little kindness and love in their short lives so I know my presence is making a big difference.   They are now calling me their madrina.

 Enlaces con Cristo

Enlaces con Cristo was founded in 1995 with a vision to provide a "bridge" between the youth of Honduras and the body of Christ.  This rec center was made to appeal to young people who might spend their free time in bars or on street corners.

A typical night at the rec center brings in 1000 young people between the ages of 12-25!!  They come to play foosball, ping pong, super Nintendo, basketball, soccer, volleyball and pool.  There are also a few groups who come to break dance!   Every hour the games are stopped for five minutes to allow someone to share a testimony of a life changing experience. Each young person is given an opportunity to accept Jesus into their life. About 3,000 young people have heard the gospel message by the end of each week.  I’ve started bringing my little friends to go and hang out and hear the word of God.  It is such an awesome opportunity!

On top of the rec center Enlaces also has a Christian Bilingual school.  The school's curriculum centers on the bible, so every class teaches children about God.  Currently I am helping to teach the 3^rd grade class and am blessed every day by the God centered atmosphere.

 

Wow.  Can you believe I could keep going on about all of the opportunities God has been placing in my path?  I just sit in awe at what He’s done through others here and about what I know He’s going to do through me. 

Please keep me in your prayers as God continues to move quickly.  And please continue to send your financial support.  All of my work here is done on a volunteer basis so I depend on your help to survive.  $600 a month covers my living expenses as well as gives me the ability to reach out to the community.  Please partner with me in reaching God's little children.  Any amount makes a difference!

 

 

He said YES!

It's amazing how quickly things can change.  Sometimes things change so quickly it's like ripping off a band aid.  Painful but quick.  I had been praying for change.  Praying that every second of every day we would walk together.   That I would see what He saw and do what He did. I told God (like He didn't know already) that I only had 1 more year in Honduras and that I wanted to spend every second fulfilling His purpose.

Tears come to my eyes as I think of how awesome God is.  I'm not perfect.  And this past year has been a big growing/learning experience.  There were times that were wonderful and other times where I felt like the world had gone dark.  But in the end I found the Son again!  How wonderful His love and grace are that they are always neverending.

God heard my prayer.  Although it has been painful God has been doing exactly what He promised; fulfilling the desires of my heart.  He said YES!  Every second has been full of His presence.  I walk out my door and see what He sees and am honored to be a part of what He's doing. 

He said YES!  God has opened doors and placed me in a spot where I could offer a child a way off the street.  A way for him to get an education,  to learn how to read and write.  A way to get medical care and 3 meals a day.  A way out of his horrible circumstances.  I was worried my little friend would say no but he said YES!  Just another awesome example of God's love. 

My little friend's mother came to my house today.  She gave me her approval to take her son to live at the boys' orphanage where I volunteer.  She said the only reason her son had the courage to go was because I would be there with him.  She gave me a huge hug and told me to take care of her son. I promised her that I would.

Those words keep echoing in my soul.  Take care of my son... 

Thank you to everyone who kept us in prayer.  Tomorrow I will be taking Harrison to the orphanage.  I'm a little nervous.  What if the other kids are mean?  What if he wants to leave?  What if I can't take care of him the way I promised?  But then I remind myself that God's got this.  And I feel like 'this' may just be the beginning...

Stuck In A Rut

I’ve always been a firm believer that if you aren’t moving forward you’re moving backward.  Actually, I believe that if you don’t move forward for a long time you can end up going backwards at a very rapid speed. 

What do I mean?  Well, take life for instance.  You move into a new home, start a new job and make new friends.  It’s all very exciting and challenging for a while but if you do it long enough it becomes an old schedule that manages to take up all your time.  Pretty soon you find yourself thinking “I’d like to do that” or “I SHOULD being doing this” or “I should STOP doing that.”  But you can’t manage to do it.  Why??

If you’re like me you probably have a million great excuses as to why you can’t make changes.  It’s easy for me living in a 3^rd world country.  I mean I have pretty valid reasons for not doing things.  Like “I don’t want to get mugged” or “That bus stop scares me” or “My Spanish isn’t good enough” or my favorite “How can I get information if they don’t have a website?!”

All of these excuses (plus more) have kept me stuck in a rut for the past few months.  And although I love where I live and what I do, I know I should be striving for more.  I mean God didn’t create us to be stagnating, going through the same motions day in and day out.  Every day should be bringing opportunities for us to make changes big or small.

Ok, well if you’re wondering, I was inspired to write this because I got out of my rut.  Yup.  Months of frustration and I got out of my rut in one day.  ONE DAY!  How you ask?  I got to the point where I realized that if I kept listening to all of my great excuses time would fly and I would be in the same spot 1 yr, 2yrs, 3yrs from now.  The ‘world changer’ I was called to be would be nothing more than a wasted dream.  So I just did it.  I was tired and nervous and thought about backing out but I didn’t.  And now I know that God was just waiting for me to take that step.

Tonight in church I couldn’t stop reading this verse:

I’m no longer calling you servants because servants don’t understand what their master is thinking and planning.  No, I’ve named you friends because I’ve let you in on everything I’ve heard from the Father.    – John 15:15

How could we ever remain motionless when we’ve been let in on the plans of God?